The Cross Says So
This month I hosted Princess Ballerina Summer Camp for 60 tiny princesses. It was a delightful summer full of squeals, sequins, and seashell hunts. But every time I would get something out, say a snack, they would all clamor for theirs.
“I want the pink one!” “I want some m&ms!” “I want!” “Pick me!”
However annoying this behavior is, we often do the same thing with God. We see him hand out things we desire, and we jump up and down impatiently reminding him that we are here. We are ready. And we want the pink one.
But if these little princesses knew and trusted that I had plenty of m&ms, that I cared if they got the right color, and that I would be sure each and every one of them was seen, would they have been so concerned? (They are three, so perhaps they would be…) If they knew that I wasn’t holding back from them, would they have insisted on their way or sat back and let me give then what I knew was best?
One of my deepest fears is that God is holding out on me, specifically with love. I’ve watched throughout my life as my friends got more than me. More dates. More boyfriends. More rings. I’ve watched as they fell in love, got engaged, and got married. I’ve listened to the giddy talk and the hard struggles. I’ve seen the good and the bad of love and marriage, and the lie that Satan whispers in my heart is this: God is holding out on you here. Look at how he blesses everyone but you.
It's a deep, poisonous lie that limits my view of God and increases my view of myself. This isn’t a foreign lie, though. It’s the original lie.
“For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Gen 3:5)
The serpent planted the lie in Eve that God was holding out on her, that he was keeping something good from her reach. For a moment, she stopped trusting in the character of who she knew God to be and started to rely on what made sense to her (the fruit was good for food), what she saw (the fruit was desirable), what we wanted (to be wise).
As Eve’s story tells, the consequences of believing this lie run deep.
I don’t know what you think God is holding back from you. Perhaps it’s also marriage. Maybe it’s children, a house, a stable career, supportive family, health, or time. Often, the things that we desire are good things, like the salvation of our friends, the fruit of a ministry, and the community of the church. Perhaps every time you open Instagram you remember that you aren’t where you desire to be. Maybe you must pray a prayer of courage to rejoice alongside those who got what you desire. Maybe this fear make you feel isolated, even within community. Maybe this lie makes us look like a gaggle of toddlers yelling that they want m&ms.
For whatever way you think that God is holding out on you, in whatever small crevice of your heart that you believe the lie that God withholds good from your life, let’s learn to speak the truth.
God is not holding out on you.
How do I know that?
The cross says so.
For he held nothing back, on the cross, as he died for the consequences for our sins. He held nothing back there as he hung, suffered, and died. In the humiliating spectacle of the cross we orient our souls when we’re tempted to think that God is holding back from us anything else perfect, pleasing, and acceptable.
He who would not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Rom 8:32)
Read that again.
Dwell here a moment. For the joy set before him, Christ endured the cross, scorning its shame. He faced the forsaken moment of the cross that we might never be forsaken. We can’t grasp how dark that moment was, how heavy the sin was, or how deep his love is. If He was going to hold back, that was the moment. But Christ held nothing back as he bled for our sins. God held nothing back as he gave his only Son for our redemption.
There on the cross we see on full display the character of God and His dedication for our souls to have what is best. There we see on full display that God is not holding out on us but desires good for our lives. He is what it good for our lives. If he didn’t hold back then, we can be confident that he isn’t holding back now, for He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. If the cross didn’t scare his commitment to our hearts, then something like sickness, singleness, or layoffs won’t scare him either.
He isn’t teasing us by withholding things like love, health, security, and clarity for a time (or forever). He isn’t playing a game with our hearts. He knows our hearts. He knows how the waiting is hard. He knows how the unanswered questions are hard. He knows how the pain of unexpected toils of life are hard.
But in a glorious way, He uses the hard for good. What man intends for evil He uses for glory. Thus, because of the imperishable, undefiled, and unfaded promise of the gospel. we are called to a sure and living hope in times of suffering (1 Peter 1).
Perhaps when we see this more clearly, we will be like the merchant in search of fine pearls (Matt 13:45-46). When we find more value, satisfaction, delight, and glory in Christ then in whatever we think he is holding back from us, we will see how much better it is for us to exchange what we have for who he is.
For when we see clearly how Christ holds nothing back we are also called to hold nothing back.
I don’t have answers for you on why there are these spaces in your life where you long to see God do something and He isn’t doing it. I don’t understand this either, sometimes. But I present to us both the cross. Cling with me to the gospel, because I know, know, that it is my sure and steadfast anchor in stormy times and in bright places. It is a strong hope that penetrates doubt. It is the truth that dispels the lies that comes from Satan, lies like God is holding out on me.
Tell those lies to shatter at the feet of the cross, because there we can know that God’s plan is for His glory and our good. There we can know that God is not holding back His love for us, but that even suffering and dark places (for what was darker than the cross) are gloriously essential to His plan.
God’s grace be with you,
Hannah