Midnights (Jesus’ Version) I: Anti-Hero

I’m a self-proclaimed Swiftie. Not your average 20-something-girl-who-just-listens-to-Taylor-after-a-breakup kind of fan (although I’ve done my fair share of that). No, I’m the throw-themed-parties-for-each-album-release type of girl.

Here’s the proof:

Her newest album, Midnights, is a concept album based upon thoughts she had at Midnight (or 3 a.m. for the extended version). These are the thoughts that can’t be put to bed, the feelings that cling too close, and the stories left unfinished in our hearts. The songs are raw and exposing. Her lyrical genius explodes, encased in catchy tunes. I’m obsessed.

The theme of this album reminds me of another collection of songs that have forever captivated my soul: the Psalms. The Psalms are David’s midnight thoughts, the struggles that sleep can’t cure, and the hope that keeps his heart fluttering when he should be still. The Psalms eloquently reveal the truth of our hearts as well, except that they know the whole story.

You see, Taylor only knows part of the story. She hits a lot of deep chords in our hearts as she strum chords on her guitar, but there is a cross-shaped hole in her songs, a gospel-sized gap between what she feels and what is true.

Let’s look at some of the truths that Taylor stumbles upon and fill them out with the Psalms:

Anti-Hero:

It's me, hi
I'm the problem, it's me
At teatime, everybody agrees
I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

This song is ripe with the battle in our minds between pride and despair. Taylor depicts how she finds that many of her problems are stuck in her mind, meeting her at the graveyard shifts of depression and covert narcissism.

She gets a lot of things right: we are the problem. Our pride runs deep and ruins so many good things, like true altruism or looking at ourselves square in the mirror. We want to be able to live above our own pride, but even in that humility we have ulterior motives (like a congresswoman). It’s an inescapable problem because the problem is us.

We are the problem, and our problem is sin.

Taylor doesn’t really move past this discovery. She leaves us exhausted, rooting for the anti-hero of our own pride-complexes. Whereas we find a lot of comfort in the shared struggle, let me offer us a new song, Psalm 32:

I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

Similarly to Anti-Hero, Psalm 32 comes out banging with our sin problem. It teaches us to acknowledge our failings and rebellion before the Lord. We aren’t to cover it up. We’re to get deep in there, in those thoughts that knock at midnight. But once we discover these sins and this pride, we aren’t supposed to simply acknowledge it (or even worse, celebrate it). We are called to confess our sins before the Lord, and be forgiven.

Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

With our sin before us, we are called to pray to the Lord, and place ourselves in his hands. We are called to repentance, turning away from the sin of our heart and toward the grace of the gospel. This isn’t complicated, but it isn’t easy. To die to our pride daily and to follow the Lord in obedience requires a great cost, but it is worth it. For to not die to our pride and to let it fester (and even celebrate it with songs) makes us the anti-hero, and we know it. It is exhausting and leads us nowhere. It gives us nightmares about our future in-laws murdering us.

However, Christ doesn’t leave us in crisis. He is our hiding place, even from our own devices. He preserves us from trouble, even trouble from our own scheming. He surrounds us with yells of rescue, even rescue from our own monster on the hill. He transforms our selfish hearts into kind hearts, out of the kindness of His heart. He blesses us with every spiritual blessing. He gives life abundantly. It is never exhausting to root for the hero, and our hero is Christ.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Sing to your soul this song: you are not defined by your sin. You are not defined by the struggles of your mind. You are not defined by depression or pride or anxiety. You carry a new name: redeemed. You are gifted by grace with a new song: delivered. You are hidden in the perfection of the Lord, shielded by grace from your own sin. It cannot reach through the arms of Christ.

This is reason to shout for joy!

Yes, I must say that I prefer the Lord’s Version

Tune in next time for You’re On Your Own, Kid (Jesus’ Version)

Hannah